maybe

i'm asking too much.

maybe,

i dont deserve them all.

maybe,

it'll be over for good.

maybe,

just maybe.

i was determine,
i was so sure.
but the tone and the face,
melts it all away.
enlighten me if it's Your way.

<3,
-pRiS-

God is Good

all the time.


Yesterday (10/11/2010), was the most dramatic experience in my life.
Subconsciously I've had this thought that how can people be late for exam. if you know me I'm one who takes exam seriously. and yesterday, i snapped up at 10 past only to realised that I was late for my paper (which started at 9.20am).
I'm so ashamed of myself but I'm going to tell the whole world this experience because I wanna share with you God's SOVEREIGNTY.

As I jumped out of bed, I quickly changed and ran out of the apartment, I tried calling for a cab but it took ages to reach the operator and when he finally came to the line he said i had to wait for 5-15mins for the cab to arrive. I had no time to lose. so i decided to run all the way to Hilton to catch a cab there as it'll be faster. However, when i was at the cross junction, there was a cab waiting for the traffic light. I went into the cab in the middle of the road (not to mention, it's in front of the magistrate court, and there was a police car in front of it). Nvm the trivial law breaking. anyway, when I reached the exam hall it was 10.35. I was an hour late for my exam!

The invigilator did not let me in because she said students are allowed to go out of the exam hall after half and hour. She said i needed to see my lecturer. I was DEVASTATED. I knew i could do nothing more besides praying and praying and praying. I did ask God why and debated with myself. but in the end i made a mental note that, in the long run, even though we might not understand what we went through, I'm sure God has His perfect plan. and something Aunty Merilyn said came into my mind: "if you break the law of gravity, you take the consequences". so it's me that break the rule, so i have to bear with the consequences.

So, I walked to the bus stop with all the worse feeling ever in my heart. I felt so burden, so mad at myself, so devastated. the bus stop is not very near but not that far from the entrance of the exam hall. but normally if the bus is already at the bus stop when u step out of the entrance of the exam hall, you wouldn't be able to make it. So that's wat i thought. i was expecting to wait for the next bus. HOWEVER, the bus was still there when i reach the bus stop. The bus driver was reading a book. I din't have the mood to think about my surroundings at that time. so what i wanted to do was just to go and look for my lecturer and hopefully sort this thing out. I thought that, in the worse case, i just have to retake the subject next sem.

I reached uni about 11+am. i went to the front office of the professions building for the lecturer. I thought it was the old man who did the lecturing, however i found out it's not him, it's another lady that's the course coordinator. The front office lady told me she might not be in today. but i thought, what could go worse already. So i just gave it a try. God is good. She was there. When i went in, i couldnt take it anymore and broke into tears. She was upset for me. She asked me what was the reason i was late and hinted me that it should be a compassionate or medical reason for me to take a supplementary paper. however, i didn't make up any story, and i just told her nothing but the truth.

So, i'm not eligible for supplementary paper. she thought for awhile, got up and went out of the office, probably ask a few people. then she so kindly decided that she'll let me do my exam there!! She look at the time and decided since the exam is not finished yet when i see her, so she ask me if i've seen anyone who came out of the exam early. and i answer in negative. then, she allowed me to take the exam. She trusted me that she din't even  be there when i do my exam paper. she just put me in a room, and asked me to submit the paper in a sealed envelope to her "letter box" in the building itself. and she went off for a meeting. She gave me 10 minutes before for me to calm myself down and clear my mind, before the exam started.

I was so grateful. although there's a few question that i wish i had longer time to deal with, i kept to the time. I was grateful enough and din't want to do anything wrong. and so, there concluded my exam. If not for the course coordinator gracious allowance, I would have failed the course and have to retake it.

I called my mum while i was trying to catch a cab. My mum later told me she was so worried that she tried to call my dad and for half an hour she can't reach him because he was in Bali having a meeting. She then called her cell leader and prayed for me. She said she couldn't do anything but just praying.

I thank God that He had bless me and show me His sovereignty and how he showed me the way of Depending on Him totally. That was the time i know i am unable to do anything to help the situation and He showed me the miracle. He blew my mind away. it's no way that i'll believe in uni u made such mistake and still be able to save it urself. That's why i don't believe karma does everything. I believe it's God's grace. if it's karma alone, I would failed the entire course already.

Thank you Jesus for bringing me through the day. Despite my human weakness, You showed me your perfect timing and perfect grace. I did nothing to deserve all this, but by God's grace i'm saved. Amen.

&lt;3,
God's daughter,
-pRiS-

p/s: God answers prayer. DEFINITELY.
p/s/s: u can imagine my panic/nervous/devastation from the entry.

there's so many things in me that i'm not aware of,
so much discovery.
are those changes or have they been hidden within?
fine line that's hard to draw.

NTS: i must i MUST not leave the whole sem's work until before exam. a lesson to learn.

-pRiS-

choc

if only all i need to focus is one thing.
but things wouldn't always go the way u wish it would.
that's where the challenges come in.
i need to stay positive.
chocolate.
:)

p/s: choc dint hyped me up. it calmed frustrations. amazing.

<3,
-pRiS-

Eclipse

if only imprint happens among human,
we wouldn't halt in between.
it will be a fairy tale, 
living within.

<3

p.s: content above does not necessarily represent my point of view. 
p.s.s: image taken from tumblr.

I feel like crying.
Everything seems grey.


DISCLAIMER: this entry is for no particular reason, may be caused by the neverending pile of work, dont exercise ur imagination too much. facebook/twitter too public. 

53 years of Independence

Having the chance to come overseas doesn't just give me a "better" education,
it widen my perspectives as well.
Like my friend said, as cliche as it may sound, there's no place like home. 
The political unrest, the racism and the inequality may cause many hatred or disputes to arise,

but we cannot deny the fact that we are all Malaysian.

We do not belong to China, India/Sri Lanka or Jakarta although our ancestors may come from these places,

but we are born in this place. 

We are born in Malaysia for a reason, for a purpose. 

I'll not make any difference by just criticising how corrupted our government is, and stay away from them.

I hope there's something/ some place where God place me to serve my country.

May it be small or big.

This will be my prayer for this year's Independence Day, 

that our fellow Malaysians, will have the urge to take some actions to make a difference. 

Let's strive for a better future!

Kita anak-anak Malaysia.

I'm proud to be a MALAYSIAN.

p/s: i know i'm influenced by my politically-interest friends for a reason. =)
p/s/s: this year's independence day brings me to a whole new level of being patriotic, it's not just another holiday/ reason to have fun anymore.
p/s/s/s: this post sounded more patriotic than it meant to be. haha. 

<3,

-pRiS-

PTL

there's every reason to celebrate,
if only we look deep enough.

<3
-pRiS-

I want so much

yet I dont know what I really want.

<3

risk

If there's no risk, there's no faith.

<3,
-pRiS-

Who are you living for?

Not living for yourself,

but for others.

i think maybe that's where I should be heading towards. 

<3,

-pRiS-

p.s: being said that doesn't mean cutting off one's confident nor trying to please everyone.

p.s.s: of course, the basis must be Christ to enable this to work.

Sometimes

if you are here,
maybe, just maybe everything will be simpler.


it's complicated.


-pRiS-

One step closer

There were times
where I don't know where I'm heading to.
There will still be times
where i'll be lost
in my thoughts or dreams,
but whatever they are, wherever I am, & whenever it'll be,
I know,
I'm one step closer,
one step closer to where I'll go through & go past,
and one step closer to where I'm going to be.

<3,
-pRiS-

Rocky Grounds

Frustration, anger, bitterness, disappointment.
all of them which are dark sides of a process of learning & growing.
a process of growing up and growing old?
learning is a never-ending journey i believe.
is there where i'm going?
I just hope u'll accept me as who i am as a whole,
even the darkest side in me,
which nobody knows except God.

Glad, Blessings, Grace & Agape love,
is really what I should be counting on.

p/s: how is faith suppose to work?

<3,
-pRiS-

Bonding Buddies

to these two people that are dear to my heart,
you really left me speechless with tears of joy, which didn't surface.
i never would've expected this BELATED birthday celebration.
i'm so touch and felt (still feels) so loved by you two.
awww.
it's just one year ago that we found each other.
Both of you are like the brother and sister that care for me.
I could ask no more of it, how God has blessed me,
by just placing both of you in my life.
Like the sister always says,
WITH MUCH LOVE THAN THE WORLD,
i love you two!
the two Wongs that coloured part of my life,
and i praise God for this!

<3,
-pRiS-

p/s: i never had so much laugh during EARLY breakfast! =)

Made for Eternity. (Ecamp '10)

This is amazing. it's beyond description. This camp is definitely one of the most significant that marks my life. There are so much to share. (come and look for me n i'll tell you as much as i can). Anyway, I'll just make a few more significant ones here just for my own reminder.

1.Faith -
This is the first time in my life, that I do things purely out of faith. I wasn't given a choice to depend on my own strength. I realised the faith that I used to have was soooo sooo little. In this camp, I serve in bible study group assisting and my group leader (Arthur) happened to be a part timer since he is working. Basically, this means that I've to lead 2 devotions and 1 bible study. Fear was all I felt when I found out. However, God placed the right people in my life to encourage me and assist me to give me confidence. Most importantly, I knew I had to let it go, to allow God to take over. After the 2nd day of the camp, i felt more confident. The confidence that's in me was weak. Although there's trust that God will bring me through, there's a little doubt, n I know, if i slipped my perseverance, this little doubt will just shatter my whole confidence that God has put in me. n I know, this doubt is not from God.
This precious feeling of faith, I can still feel it in my heart. This is beyond description. I cannot put it into words, only those who experienced it will understand.

2. Joy
In the camp, I experienced JOY. It's not mere happiness, not just fun, but PURELY JOY, happiness that comes from my heart and bring the smile on my face. This joy is something that I know I can't experience by just doing the fun things and the things i like in everyday life. This joy can only be granted through Christ alone.I guess this joy comes with peace too. =)
This joy, is also beyond what I can explain.

3.Miracle
I've always seen people bringing people to Christ. I've always thought it as they're only good testimony and good encouragement. However, it's a completely different story when the people in your life start questioning you about this LOVE, this thing that's so DIFFERENT in your life and start wanting to know more. I'm really in awe that how God has put things in His timing, and how He has planned it. When one lost son is found, the angles in heaven will rejoice and celebrate.
Again, I can't find the right words to portray what I've in my heart. If you really want to know, you can always talk to me. =D

4. Encouragement
I always feel happy when I get to encourage people in my life. I know how and what encouragement can do. In this camp, I was really encouraged by the people that God has placed beside to assist me and to love me. The love of God through this people really give me encouragement to walk on with faith. Me too figure that encouragement is a two-way system. When the things I did encouraged people, I feel encouraged as well.
It never dawn on me that this is a two way thing.

5. People
I know these people that God put in my life are for a purpose and these many brothers and sisters in Christ will last for eternity. 

6.Let Go.
of the past. Still in the process I guess.

7.ETERNITY.
The lessons learn in the sermons, bs & workshops. Too much to talk about here. Maybe i might post it another time.

I discover that there are so many things that I've experienced in this camp is so supernatural that I can't put them into words. No one can understand until they get the touch from God Himself. I know He is real. How he has blessed me and I'll be firm that He'll continue to bless me.
Amen.

p/s: talk to me ASAP, if you want to know more vividly how God has touched me through this camp.

with much <3,
-pRiS-

O you of little faith..

O you of little faith.
If you've taken an extra step,
one more may be saved.
If selfishness did not take over,
there will be one more in the family.
If succumbed not to cowardness,
there'll be one more to spread the Good news.

Change the heart,
change the heart of little faith,
for faith not in us,
but you Almighty.

Thank you for dying on the cross,
so that I may be saved.
Let those who not see eternity
look beyond what the world has to offer.
Let those who are finding love,
find this true love which never fails.
Let the emptiness of hearts
not to fill with temporary fun & happiness,
but with the eternal joy which we can still have when we're going through tough times.

We can only have this through you.
Decrease me,
for me will not reflect all the above.
Change me,
so that I'll shine for you.
Amen.

<3,
-pRiS-

synchronous

I doubt,
where should I go?
Am i heading the right way?
Let go,
of what I asked?
Love
enough to carry through?
I want to fly,
soaring in the sky.
Concurrently
I want to hide & be invisible.
Its too much of a contradiction.
What is meant to be?
I love now,
also
looking for a future,
that You've planned,
perfectly for me.

<3
-pRiS-

Ah, corrupt!

The anger I never knew existed,
exploded in front of screen.
I thought I didn't give a damn about it,
well, obviously I did.
I knew it all too well,
probably that's the reason i quit.
Now it dawn onto me,
that all these are s***.
I care too much to quit,
so, that's the least of my deed.

To the place I still love,
-pRiS-

p/s: please dont mind me of the rude content.

true,not?

" ... and the tear that has been fighting finally gave up and twinkled down the edge of my eyes. Suddenly I felt exposed. I felt naked. Something that I've been hiding, or, I didn't even know its existence has unfold itself.

I didn't need a change of impression. I want me to be me. and you, who stands at the corner, was rooted to ground, holding your breath and distrusting your eyes...

This, is the last reason that I want you ...

to fall for me ... "

p/s: fiction.

<3
-pRiS-

puzzle

In the picture,
there's some incomplete pieces,
& yes,
i'm going to search for the missing bits.

<3
-pRiS-

ah,

It's time for uni,
so much to explore,
so many commitments,
a whole chunk of information thrown upon the face,
trying to breathe & absorb,
breathe in, breathe out,
help me Daddy,
prioritize,
overwhelming.
pfft~

<3
-pRiS-

Moment of life.

at the edge of tears,
wanting to cry it out,
not because of sadness,
but everything just went too well.

I'm grateful?
Yes, I am.
Greed is taking a toll here too,
Wanting for more.

Knowing that these moments wouldnt last forever,
I'll just keep it within
and run-away for now.

<3
-pRiS-

a four letter word.

Thanks for loving me when i'm on my worst behaviour.

<3
-pRiS-